Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson
Name	Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (born 19 June, 1964)
Nicknames	BoJo (fandom)
Politics
Party	Conservative
Constituency	• Henley (2001 - 4 June 2008) • Uxbridge and South Ruislip (7 May 2015 - present)
Positions	• Mayor of London (4 May, 2008 - 5 May 2016) • Shadow Minister for Higher Education (6 December, 2005 – 16 July, 2007) • Shadow Minister for the Arts (14 April, 2004 – 17 November, 2004)
Likes	Bikes, pretending to be an idiot
Dislikes	Doing work, keeping promises
Friends	David Cameron
Enemies	Ken Livingstone, David Cameron
Relationships
Partners	Allegra Mostyn-Owen (1987–1993) Marina Wheeler (1993–present) Numerous affairs
Children	Lara Lettice (?), Milo Arthur (?), Cassia Peaches (?), Theodore Apollo (?)
Personal Attributes
Nationality	English
Religion	Anglican
Sexuality	Straight
Height	?
Eye Colour	?
Handedness	?
Accent	?
Languages	?

Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.~ Boris Johnson

If you know nothing about Boris Johnson, think of what a particularly ill-informed American thinks all British people are like, and suddenly you will know everything about Boris Johnson.

Currently engaged along with Nigel Farage in a social experiment to discover how much misogynist, racist crap the British public will put up with if it comes out of the mouth of someone who plays a buffoon on TV. So far there are no known limits.

Life and Career

Early Life

Was a college friend of David Cameron due to them both being members of the Bullingdon Club , a club in which all members are required to be insanely posh prats. Naturally, this led to people tinhatting that they had some kind of awful soggy-biscuit schoolboy sexual experimentation together while in the Bullers, which would be fairly typical if it was a lolitics-only phenomenon, but it isn't, and it resulted in the televised RPS fanfic that was When Boris Met Dave.

Parliamentary Career

2015-2020 Parliament

Despite still being Mayor of London, Boris stood for election to Parliament in 2015 in the safe Tory seat of Uxbridge and South Ruislip. Unsurprisingly, he won. David Cameron appointed him to the political Cabinet but stopped short of making him a ministerial Cabinet member since Boris was still the Mayor of London at the time and also he didn't want Boris to have too much power straight away and attempt a coup. Possibly.

His second parliamentary term did not get off to a fantastic start, as he spent the first few months sitting helplessly on the backbenches while his future rivals for the Conservative leadership beat him up at the dispatch box. First George Osborne made fun of him in the Budget. Then Theresa May eviscerated him for his idiotic decision to purchase some decrepit and illegal German water cannons. To quote one political journalist:

His full-body soaking at the hands of the home secretary in the House of Commons was so brutal it was almost difficult to watch. Theresa May's demolition of Johnson's case for bringing water cannon to the streets of London was so comprehensive, so cutting and so utterly devastating for the London mayor, you half expected the Metropolitan Police to apprehend her for common assault.

Full List of Appointments
• Shadow Minister for the Arts (14 April, 2004 – 17 November, 2004)
• Shadow Minister for Higher Education (6 December, 2005 – 16 July, 2007)
• Mayor of London (4 May, 2008 - 5 May 2016)
• Uxbridge and South Ruislip (7 May 2015 - present)

Appearance

Boris Johnson's part Turkish, which is where his white-blond hair and pink skin comes from. Rumour has it there's a tribe of people in Turkey who all look exactly like Boris, although hopefully they don't fall into rivers as often. Also, his middle name is de Pfeffel. And he seems to have named his daughters Cassia Peaches and Lara Lettice (his sons are called Milo Arthur and Theodore Apollo, which is still amusing, just not as amusing as Lara Lettice who is clearly a superhero).

Boris's poorly brushed hair is due to the fact that he uses a comb handcarved from the ribs of a member of the hoi polloi, possible as a result of expiration from playing wiff waff.

Portrayal

In the Media

Boris Johnson is fangirled outside of lolitical circles for the same reason as he's fangirled inside them. He is incredibly posh; he routinely embarrasses himself in front of the nation; he resembles a fat mop; and he ran London, which is obviously the hippingest pad you could ever get down and strut your funky stuff in (as Boris would probably say, given half the chance). In addition to this, he's also a hero who saved the film director Franny Armstrong from a group of child muggers (by chasing after them and calling them 'oiks'. see the exciting reconstruction here)

In Fanon

Boris defends London from crime with his sidekick Lembit on a unicorn.