Brycow

Brycow
Chris Bryant / John Bercow
Name	Brycow
Description	Points of order and elaborately patterned ties

The Speaker is supposed to be impartial, but there is one MP who is very, very special to him.

History

John was amazed to discover that when Chris was saying "On a point of order, Mr. Speaker," what he meant was, "I love you."

Chris and John have been colleagues since Chris was elected to Parliament in 2001. They'd worked together on a doomed bill which aimed to make pre-nuptial agreements legally enforceable, tagged teamed homophobes in Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill amendments debate and occasionally exchanged pointed but generally friendly comments across the chamber , including Chris not-so-subtly hinting that he might like it if John were to cross the floor so they could spend more time together.

Chris Bryant: It is always a delight to follow the hon. Member for Buckingham (John Bercow). It is a delight, too, when he joins us in the Division Lobby, which he seems to be doing more regularly of late—I do not know whether it portends anything.

Indeed, explicitly flirtations exchanges in the Commons chamber can be dated back to at least 2005:

John Bercow: Will the hon. Gentleman give way?

Chris Bryant: I will give way—

John Bercow rose—

Chris Bryant: I have not given way quite yet. I will give way to the hon. Gentleman now.

John Bercow: I am grateful to the hon. Gentleman for determining the precise point at which the giving way takes place. It is always a joy—a titillating delight, no less—to listen to him. However, although obviously he is central to his own world, he is not necessarily central to the world. Further to the inquiry made by my hon. Friend the Member for Windsor (Adam Afriyie), can the hon. Gentleman extrapolate beyond his example and say what evidence he has that what he is advancing, which is perfectly valid in theory, is true in practice? What is the additional spend in cafeterias, bookshops and so on in the examples that he is describing?

Chris Bryant: The Victoria and Albert Museum used to describe itself as a great caff with a museum attached. I do not have the precise figures to hand, but the hon. Gentleman is usually a more encyclopaedic resource than I on such matters—I see that with flattery, he does smile.

But things really kicked off for them after Labour lost the 2010 general election and Chris was relegated to the Opposition benches. With nothing better to do, he devoted himself to courting John with long, well-researched, and technically orderly but completely vacuous points of order.

John, who likes Labour trolls and people who know their Erskine May, was suitably impressed. He's shown a slight but increasingly noticeable favoritism towards Chris ever since, allowing him to chunter incessantly without reprimand and granting him an urgent debate on phone hacking under Standing Order 24 rules.

*sporfle*

This is not to say that Chris can always get away with murder- John smacked him down quite harshly when he misused a point of order to have a go at Plaid Cymru- but his shenanigans are indulged to an extent that the oft-rebuked ministers of the Department for Education can only watch and envy.

In return, every time The Daily Mail or The Telegraph run their monthly articles about Tories plotting to depose Bercow, Chris tweets that it's a load of rubbish.

Support

They're the only ones who could properly appreciate each others' fabulous ties- how could they not fall in love?

But if that's not enough, listen to them gushing about each other:

Points of Order/Points of Chuntering

Chris won't let John talk down his fashion sense:

Mr Speaker: The hon. Lady will understand immediately when I say that I do not regard myself as an authority on fashion. In response to points of order, I think an appropriate humility and self-denying ordinance on the part of this Chair would be prudent and seemly.

Chris Bryant (Rhondda) (Lab): Quite good ties though.

John won't let Chris sell himself short either:

Chris Bryant (Rhondda) (Lab): On a point of order, Mr Speaker. I hope you will consider an innovation, although not a very modernising one. As you know, we are commemorating the 100th anniversary of the start of the first world war and the House has 19 shields of Members who were killed during that war. Three more of them are to be added before we come back after the recess. I wonder whether we could on 6 November feature a commemoration on the front of the Order Paper of the first Member of Parliament who died 100 years ago, Captain Arthur O’Neill who died at Zillebeke Ridge, and then continue that practice throughout the period of the war to commemorate the death of those Members who died 100 years ago.

Mr Speaker: I have two points in response to the hon. Gentleman. First, if memory serves me correctly, the decision to install a further three plaques followed a request by the hon. Gentleman. I would not want his natural self-effacement, to which we are all accustomed in this House to get the better of him.

*At this point the House, being largely unacquainted with Chris's natural self-effacement, erupts into laughter. John persists undeterred.*

Mr Speaker: I want him to enjoy the proper plaudits for the action that is about to be taken. Secondly, I rather like that idea. It is new to me. I do not know whether there are any notable cost implications. It is an innovation, and I think it a rather attractive one. I would like to see whether the idea could be taken forward.

John can't always give Chris the answer he wants, but he can always throw in a compliment to soften the blow:

Mr Speaker: If the hon. Gentleman is still dissatisfied, I feel sure, knowing him for the sort of upmarket terrier that he is, that he will raise the matter again at the earliest opportunity. And in case he is going to ask me whether that was a compliment, as he did the other day when I paid him a compliment and I assured him that it was, it was.

Or get really offended on Chris' behalf completely unnecessarily:

Chris Bryant (Rhondda) (Lab): On a point of order, Mr Speaker. [Blah blah isn't Cameron a dick and isn't parliamentary procedure awesome blah blah blah]?

Mr Speaker: I am grateful to the hon. Gentleman for his point of order. He has the advantage of being right on both counts.

Simon Kirby (Brighton, Kemptown) (Con): Not always.

Mr Speaker: A junior Government Whip chunters from a sedentary position that the hon. Member for Rhondda (Chris Bryant) is not right always, but the same could be said of junior Government Whips. On this matter, however, the hon. Gentleman is right in ​both respects

But best of all is when they conspire together against the Government:

Chris Bryant (Rhondda) (Lab): On a point of order, Mr Speaker. [Blah blah preemptive briefing blah blah deprecate blah blah] Might I suggest that any journalist whom you find has written an article saying, "Tomorrow, the Government will announce that…" should have their pass withdrawn so that they cannot work in the House any longer?

Mr Speaker: Let me say to the hon. Gentleman, who is a very experienced Member of the House, that it is extremely naughty of him to tempt me in that way. I think he should be careful about such an approach… It would be very unfortunate if a regular pattern of the kind that the hon. Gentleman has been complaining about were to develop. If, in extremis, this were to continue to happen, and as a consequence the Government’s own business were to be damaged or lost as a result of what might be described as retaliatory action, that would of course be very unfortunate.

And then there was that time that Chris basically asked John to kiss him right in the middle of the Commons during Points of Order (even if John wasn't as enthused as Chris might necessarily have hoped).

Unparliamentary Behaviour

The Speaker is supposed to preside over the House without fear or favour. Impartiality is not one of John's crowning virtues under the best of circumstances, but Chris is his kryptonite.

Watch what happens when Chris accuses everyone in the DWP of misleading the House:

Mr Speaker: The hon. Gentleman made no personal attack on any individual Minister, but my judgment, having heard him out, was that he went beyond the line in making an accusation of deliberate deception against a group of Ministers.

Uh oh. That sounds serious- it's a breach of parliamentary privilege to accuse another member of lying. Normally MPs are asked to withdraw the offending comment and thrown out of the Chamber for the day if they refuse. Surely Chris will have to apologise?

Mr Speaker: I ask Members to have regard to the way in which they express themselves. The point has been made, the situation is clear and the Secretary of State can now reply.

Lol, nope, no sanctions for the golden boy. Carry on, everyone!

Even more impressive was the time that Chris shouted "You'll regret this!" at John when he refused to take his point of order. If MPs aren't allowed to question the honesty of their fellow members, they are really, really not allowed to question the conduct of the Chair. Faced with the choice between calling Chris to account for a serious breach of privilege and suffering a slight to his own authority, John... resorted to the time-honoured tactic of pretending not to hear him. It was a bit more convincing when Speakers wore a full-length wig.

Still, it's not all failing to discipline Chris for flagrant misbehaviour. Sometimes John makes exceptions under happier circumstances. In 2012 he interrupted parliamentary business in order to wish Chris a happy birthday. Shippers and Chris were very pleased.

The birthday boy

The Tie Incident

In October 2011 it was discovered that John and Chris share a very similar taste in ties:

The fateful tie

Or do they? It's a pretty unusual tie, and it's one of Chris's regulars (you can see him wearing it in the birthday pic above). Are there really two ties? Or is there just one, accidentally left behind in the Speaker's flat? John might have put it on without thinking, little suspecting that the ever-watchful eyes of the Lolitics community were upon him.

Chris jokingly demanded John make a statement to the House about the accident with the tie but none was forthcoming.

However, the tie story does not end there. In May 2013, Chris tweeted that he and John were wearing the same tie while sitting in the House for Justice Questions. As can be seen from the Parliament TV recording for that day, the matching tie is indeed the very same as before. Chris even mentioned it in the House, putting knowledge of their matching ties in Hansard for history to future generations. So, between October 2011 and May 2013, the exact number of ties is not known - is it not entirely possible that Chris, being the troll that he is, bought John his very own version of the tie following the initial incident? It would certainly explain why he was so keen to alert the House's attention to exactly what John was wearing. And that's not the only time it has happened - Chris tweeted about matching ties again in February 2015 and the video evidence shows that again the matching tie was the same one as before.

The Flower Incident

During the final vote on equal marriage on 16 July 2013 (a vote on Lords amendments) someone left a flower on the Speaker's chair. Chris alleged it wasn't him when questioned about the incident on twitter but the flower-depositor has never come forward, so we have only Chris's word to go on. It was probably him.

Chris' Writings

Like a good MP trying to connect with the wider public, Chris writes a lot of things. He had a weekly column in the Independent for a while and writes pieces for other publications ever since. Because it's Chris, he cannot hide his feelings for John even when there's absolutely no need for him to mention them. This leads to some rather telling piece including, for example, the following.

In a piece titled "In praise of the Speaker's tough love", Chris goes on to explain just how amazing John is:

I have to confess, I'm not impartial... So you may dismiss what I'm about to say. But the truth is he has been a splendidly invigorating Speaker... Bercow is now so tough on prolixity and the causes of prolixity that front and back benchers alike tremble.~ Chris Bryant, 2012

Chris also wrote a two-part biography of parliament. Because this combined a number of John's favourite things (Chris, useless trivia, political history, etc) John hosted an event to mark the publication of one of the books. As the following picture illustrates, it appears that John's thoughts during the evening were focused on something else...

His face is up there, John.

Nevertheless, John was so impressed with Chris' book that he even recommended it to the Prime Minister, describing it as "an intellectual and up market read". He happened to do so while presiding over the Commons one day, causing the comment to be picked up by the microphones and broadcast to whoever was paying attention to parliament that day.

The Coup Attempt

On the penultimate day of the coalition government, William Hague announced that the government had tabled a vote on a motion to change the re-election of the Speaker to a secret ballot. This would basically mean that John would be out of a job because there would be nothing to stop the Prime Minister or the entire Cabinet voting against the Speaker (something which they can't seen to be doing).

Chris got very annoyed with this whole thing and tweeted a lot about how amazing John is at being Speaker and how horrible everyone is for being mean to him including this exchange with fellow MP Zac Goldsmith:

Chris just gets really passionate about parliamentary procedure, obviously...

It was a close vote and Chris gave a speech in defense of Bercow and the speakership and was filled with much history and scorn for people trying to stitch-up parliament. In the end the government motion was defeated by 202 to 228. When the result was announced, the whole of the Labour benches cheered and people even punched the air in victory. It was all very unparliamentary but great Brycow fodder.

2015-2020 Parliament

With John's self-imposed deadline for remaining as Speaker fast approaching and his marriage falling apart, John decided that he would give absolutely no fucks about anything, including whether people knew he fancied Chris.

Urgent Questions

After losing the 2015 general election, Morley and Outwood and forty Scottish seats, the Labour Party was forced to reshuffle the Shadow Cabinet, and Chris was promoted to Shadow Culture, Media and Sport Secretary. Surely now that he was firmly a member of the Establishment John would have to show a little less favouritism?

ROFTL, yeah right. In the first week of the new Parliament, John granted Chris not one but two Urgent Questions on the breaking Fifa scandal. (Admittedly the first was granted through the mechanism of allowing a Tory backbencher to ask it, but this microscopic fig leaf concealed nothing. Chris still got to come to the Dispatch Box and rant about corruption, and his poor opposite number was still dragged to the House to respond to him.)

Chris was also granted an Urgent Question on leaked budget details regarding the BBC license fee because that allowed John to indulge in his two favourite things - watching Chris rage at the government and pissing off George Osborne.

Brycow is alive and well and undaunted by the new "rh" in front of Chris's name.

Not so subtle

Even the Prime Minister began to make comments on the relationship:

Mr Speaker: Order. Mr Bryant, you are now an esteemed member of Her Majesty’s Opposition’s shadow Cabinet. [Interruption.] Order. Whether he is esteemed or not, he is a member of the shadow Cabinet.
Prime Minister: He may be esteemed by you, Mr Speaker...

Parliamentary Nerds 4lyf

Once Jeremy Corbyn became Leader of the Labour Party, he embarked on a reshuffle. Chris was offered Shadow Secretary of State for Defence but because either it would keep him away from John or Chris wouldn't be allowed to invade Russia, Chris turned the job down. Instead he became Shadow Leader of the House of Commons where his job was to make the government's life as awkward as possible with obscure parliamentary procedure and regulations. The position also requires Chris to be in the House of Commons very regularly, giving him far more opportunities to flirt with John. Additionally, the position came with a place on the joint committee looking to the restoration of Parliament, again meaning Chris has to spend a lot of time with John discussing parliament. On Chris' first outing as Shadow Leader of the House of Commons, Chris said he "couldn't think of a better job".

During the November recess the UK Youth Parliament held their annual sitting in the Houses of Parliament. With Chris in his new job and John still as Speaker, the two opened the sitting. Chis opened his comments by noting that he was the MP who moved the vote to first allow the Youth Parliament to use the Commons chamber and how awesome John was during the debate. He then went on to tell the MYPs that:

I'm slightly homosexual. In fact, I'm completely homosexual, I just thought I'd break it to you gently. And with a tie like this, there's really nothing else I could be. Sorry, that's a terrible stereotype.~ Chris Bryant

He then went on to tell the MYPs how he was the first gay man to get married in parliament, adding "and then we had quite a good party in your house, Mr Speaker..."

Quite what that party entailed was not revealed, however.

Fanon

The Meme

A few fics have been written, some with Sally Bercow playing the role of matchmaker.

AUs

In Another Life - In one of the alternate universes, Chris is John's apprentice in wizardry.