David Nuttall
| David Nuttall | |
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| Name | David John Nuttall (born 25 March, 1962) |
| Politics | |
| Party | Conservative |
| Constituency | Bury North (2010 - present) |
| Likes | The Queen, statistics, Philip Davies, birdwatching |
| Dislikes | The European Union, taxes, political correctness |
| Friends | Philip Davies, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Christopher Chope, PETER BONE |
| Enemies | David Cameron, the Tory Whip's Office, anyone who wants to pass a Private Member's Bill |
| Relationships | |
| Partners | Susan Nuttall |
| Children | None |
| Personal Attributes | |
| Nationality | English |
| Religion | Church of England |
| Sexuality | Straight |
| Height | 5' 10" |
| Eye Colour | Blue |
| Handedness | Right |
| Accent | Yorkshire |
David Nuttall has less charisma than a plank of wood with a crude drawing of David Nuttall's face on it. ~ A lolitician
David Nuttall rose to national prominence when he embarrassed David Cameron by tabling a motion on an EU referendum, prompting a massive rebellion of Tory backbenchers against the Government's 'no referendum' position. The Labour Party came to Cameron's aid and allowed him to carry the vote, but it's safe to say Nuttall has not been in good odour with his Whip's Office ever since. He has also earned the enmity of both his colleagues and the fandom by talking out Private Member's Bills at interminable and stultifying length. His one redeeming feature is the beautiful love he shares with his fellow backbencher Philip Davies.
Life and Career[edit | edit source]
Early Life and Pre-political Career[edit | edit source]
David Nuttall was born in Sheffield, where he lived with his parents, his brother, and his maternal grandmother, who slept on a sofa bed in the living room because the house only had two bedrooms. David attended Aston Comprehensive School in Rotherham, where he failed to obtain the grades he needed to be admitted into a law course at university. Instead he took a job as a trainee legal executive at s solicitors' firm. David took night classes at Richmond College of Further Education in Sheffield and qualified as a legal executive, but he wanted to be a solicitor, and for that he needed a law degree. He earned one by correspondence from the University of London, quite an accomplishment in those days before the internet and streaming video, since it meant a student had to pass all the exams without seeing any of the lectures. David was admitted as a solicitor in December 1990 and became a partner in his firm. He became the senior partner in 1998. He qualified as a notary that same year, and in 2006 he sold the solicitors' firm and went solo.
Early Political Career[edit | edit source]
David joined the Conservative Party in 1980. He served for six years on the Rotherham Borough Council and proceeded to lose a series of elections for national office. In 1997 he contested the safe Labour seat of Sheffield Hillsborough and lost. In 1999 he stood for Yorkshire and the Humber in the European Parliament elections but he was too far down the Conservative list to qualify for one of the three Tory seats, saving him from the trauma of actually visiting Brussels. In 2001 he contested the Labour-leaning marginal of Morecambe and Lunesdale and was swept away by Blair's second landslide, and in 2005 he stood in marginal Bury North and lost again. But in 2010 David's patience was finally rewarded and he won Bury North with a respectable 2,243 vote majority, at last bringing his incredible talent for reading lists of statistics the national audience it deserved.
Parliamentary Career[edit | edit source]
From the outset, David was a parliamentary free spirit, doing whatever felt right regardless of the wishes of his Prime Minister, his Whips' Office, his colleagues, his constituents, or right thinking people everywhere. And mostly what feels right to David is voting against his government, complaining about the EU, filibustering Private Member's Bills, and chillaxing on the backbenches with his bros in the CBCJS. Beneath David's staggeringly dull exterior beats the heart of a revolutionary. With 74 rebellions in the 2010 - 2012 parliamentary session he is the second most rebellious MP in the Commons, and he has done more than any other member of the CBCJS to undermine David Cameron. PETER BONE'S sexual harassment of the Prime Minister at PMQs and speculation about what would happen in the event of his death is profoundly creepy, but it was drab David who orchestrated the first major challenge to his leadership.
He once suggested that votes at 16 would lead to an increase in child sexual abuse cases[1] which gives you an idea of the sort of arguments he puts forward in the Commons on a regular basis.
| Full List of Appointments |
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| • Procedure Select Committee (2010 - current) |
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
David lives with his wife Sue and their four year old Dalmatian CeeCee, who despite the name is a male. (It's short for "Currant Cake"- David was wise enough to realise all his online readers would assume it was for something appalling like "Conservative Canine" and took pains to explain.) Like many besotted dog owners, David regularly blogs about the dog and occasionally comments on legislation from CeeCee's POV. Sue features less regularly on his blog, perhaps because it's harder to take cute pictures of her chewing on things.
Apart from filibustering legislation David's hobbies include walking and bird watching, which should give you a sense of his high octane lifestyle.
The Nuttalls attend St. Anne’s Church in Tottington regularly enough that David was elected one of the churchwardens.
Personality and Appearance[edit | edit source]
The situation we find ourselves in is rather like that of someone who has boarded a slow train going in one direction and finds, just as they are settling in, that the train starts to career off at high speed in a completely different direction, with carriages being added on left, right and centre, and they are locked in and have no way of getting off. Worse still, the longer people are on the train, the more the fare goes up, but there is absolutely nothing they can do about it because any negotiation with the guards or the driver is almost impossible. ~ David Nuttall, attempting to describe the EU
David has the personality of wet toast. His soporific and interminable speeches are leavened only by his disjointed metaphors, which tend to go entertainingly awry halfway through and collapse into an incomprehensible jumble.
Fortunately he's quite easy on the eyes, so if you put him on mute he's all right.
Portrayal[edit | edit source]
In the Media[edit | edit source]
Newspapers are having enough problems with their sales figures without covering David Nuttall.
In Fanon[edit | edit source]
Meme[edit | edit source]
David is of interest to the fandom solely because of his affectionate relationship with the rather more charming Philip Davies. He shows up in shipping fics as one half of Nutvies, and occasionally in fics that complicate the pairing by adding another player. Perhaps because of his buttoned-down RL persona, David is frequently portrayed as a repressed homosexual who's been damaged by his life of denial, in contrast to Philip's cheerfully closeted bisexuality.
Shipping[edit | edit source]
David is a one ship wonder. He is paired almost exclusively with Philip, although in one series Jacob Rees-Mogg joins them and sometimes the pairing is threatened by outside forces. In darker fics it may also be destabilised from within by the pair's intense homophobia. To whatever extent the fluffy romance of Nutvies masks a deeper tragedy, it tends to come from David's end- David is usually written as the more vulnerable partner and the one most ill at ease with the relationship, and in some fics he's been scarred by bad past experiences with other men.
