Jack Straw
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OH GOD WHAT'S GOING ON. OH GOD WHY WON'T HE SHUT UP.~ A Lolitics Fan
A former New Labour minister infamous for giving extremely thorough historical overviews of whatever the current topic of debate may be, whether anyone wants to hear them or not. (Usually not.) If the tagline for New Labour is 99% angst, 1% war crimes, the tagline for Jack Straw is 99% monotonous droning, 1% war crimes. Someone is trying to take him to the ICC over the latter, but the former gives him an impregnable defense: the judges will never be able to remain conscious long enough to hear his testimony.
The record at present is 48 minutes continuous speech about NOTHING AT ALL (well, the entire history of reforms to the electoral system) made when the fandom was waiting eagerly for Nick's maiden Deputy Prime Minister's Question Time to start. Not a popular man with the fen.
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Straw's appearance is similar to that of The Demon Headmaster, leading many to believe they share similar hypnotic powers. As they are feeble in comparison to, say, the HYPNOBONE (not to be confused with the Hollobone, or mysterious bicycle-related incidents will ensue within your vicinity), it just means he bangs on for even bloody longer.
He was caught up in a cash-for-questions sting during 2015 and suspended from the Labour Party. Many hoped that embarrassment would drive him to STFU, but no. He kept banging on as an independent. He finally, finally stood down and shut up in the 2015 general election, to a collective cheer from fandom.