Machine
The Machine is the dastardly invention of Lord Mandelson. Its primary use is "sucking dry the brains of politicians", although many other possible uses have been suggested (see below). With the help of the Machine, Peter Mandelson hopes to achieve his life-long dream of becoming the most powerful politician in the world.
The Video[edit | edit source]
Video footage of Peter Mandelson explaining the function of the Machine to his Labour henchmen was first leaked onto YouTube in Feburary 2010. In the video the head lackey can be heard explaining the Machine will be ready "by the middle of next month." It is unknown when in actuality the Machine was switched on, although the lack of leaks into the mainstream press suggests that it is indeed functioning, and sucking dry the brains of all who stumble upon it.
Structure and Function[edit | edit source]
Very little is known about the construction of the Machine, as it was built during the BONE HOURS of the night at the Labour election HQ by engineers who have since mysteriously disappeared. No one engineer possessed the entire blueprint for the Machine, and indeed not even Mandelson's most trusted aides knew the true function of the Machine until he revealed his plans in early 2010. However, unverified reports on the internet have suggested the Machine has a "Tory in-pipe". It is unknown what happens to the bodies of the politicians after their brains have been sucked dry.
Alternative Uses[edit | edit source]
The primary use of the Machine is, of course, rendering one's political opponents useless. However, there has been much speculation on alternative uses of the Machine. It has been suggested that the Machine may also be used...
- as a brainwashing device
- as a sex aid
- as a virgin-blood smoothie maker
- to brew the perfect cup of green tea
Sinister Occurrences[edit | edit source]
Typically, whenever something dark and mysterious has occurred in the world of lolitics, the first port of call for blame is PETER BONE. If this seems unlikely, it was in all probability the Machine.
Appearances[edit | edit source]
In the Media[edit | edit source]
The Machine the motion picture is currently rumoured to be in pre-production, although the plot has been leaked.
In Fandom[edit | edit source]
There have been many interpretations of The Machine throughout the life of fandom. Although initially it was believed to be just a machine, later interpretations gave rise to the idea of it having both sentience and sapience. The Machine's personality in varies by fanon interpretation from evil killing machine to what is basically a small child.
In the RP The Machine is Peter's child who is fiercely defensive of him and cannot stand George Osborne.
