Alex Salmond

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Alex Salmond

Alex Salmond.profile.jpeg

Name Alexander Elliot Anderson Salmond (born 31 December 1954)
Nicknames King Troll (fandom), God (SNP supporters)
Politics
Party SNP
Constituency Gordon (2015 - present)
Positions • MP for Gordon
• Leader of the SNP job
• First Minister of Scotland
Likes Scotland
Dislikes England, the English, the BBC
Friends Scottish National Party
Enemies Everyone English
Relationships
Partners Moira McGlashan (1981 - present)
Personal Attributes
Nationality Scottish
Religion Church of Scotland
Sexuality Straight
Height In feet and inches
Eye Colour ?
Handedness ?
Accent Scottish
Languages Sarcasm

My opinion is I cannae trust Salmond. He’s got a head like a haggis and no reason penetrates it.~ A local at Balmoral

Best known for being a prominent member, and former leader, of the SNP and trolling everyone 24/7.

Life and Career[edit | edit source]

Early Life[edit | edit source]

Wee Alex with his puppy

Alex was born in Linlithgow, West Lothian, Scotland, on 31 December 1954 to parents Robert and Mary. Alex's parents traditionally gave their children the middle names of local Church of Scotland minister and Alex was no exception. Alex attended the local Linlithgow Academy from 1966 to 1972. He studied at Edinburgh College of Commerce from 1972 to 1973, gaining an HNC in Business Studies, and was then accepted by the University of St Andrews. While there he studied Economics and Medieval History, graduating with a 2:2 in May 1978. At university, Alex stayed at the prestigious St Salvator's Halls, the same halls that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge stayed in when they were at university.

It was at university that Alex found his love of politics, the SNP, and trolling. In December 1973 he got into an argument with his then girlfriend, Debbie Horton, an English student from London and the secretary of the St Andrews University Labour club, which resulted in her yelling at him "If you feel like that, go and join the bloody SNP". The next day Salmond did. The following day was the SNP's AGM. Since Alex was only one of two fully signed up members to the party at St Andrews at that time, he was elected president of the university club. He hasn't looked back since.

Pre-political Career[edit | edit source]

Alex at university

After graduation Alex entered the Government Economic Service as an Assistant Economist in the Department of Agriculture and Fisheries for Scotland. Two years later he joined the staff of the Royal Bank of Scotland where he worked for seven years in various roles. While with RBS, he created a "Royal Bank/BBC oil index" that is still used.

Early Political Career[edit | edit source]

Alex has been active in politics (and trolling) since university. He started out very left wing and got suspended from the party at once point when the SNP decided it didn't like factions anymore and banned the "79 Group" Alex was a part of.

Parliamentary Career[edit | edit source]

Westminster[edit | edit source]

Alex was elected to the House of Commons for the seat of Banff and Buchan on 12 June 1987. Alex served as a member of the House of Commons Energy Select Committee from 1987 to 1992.

In 1997, following Tony Blair's landslide Labour victory, Alex and the SNP signed up to their plans for devolution and worked closely with the other parties in Scotland to secure a victory in the devolution referendum. In 1999, Alex was vocally opposed to the UN bombing of Serbia, believing that the UN Security Council resolutions did not go far enough as to explicitly cover the action. He was heavily criticized for his stance and for calling the military strategy an "unpardonable folly". His words on the Iraq war were even stronger. Alex was very prominent in the debates prior to the war in 2003, claiming that military involvement in Iraq would be illegal. He joined with Plaid MP Adam Price in trying to impeach Tony Blair. Alex is also one of those that believe that Tony Blair deliberately lied to the House of Commons about WMDs in Iraq because Tony and George Bush had already decided "to go to war come what may".

He lost his seat in the 2010 general election.

In the 2015 general election he stood successfully for the seat of Gordon and promised very nicely that he wouldn't try and upstage the SNP Westminster leader. He did so anyway, even if he didn't take on the official leadership role within the party. He also got "slapped down" by Nicola Sturgeon when he informed her of his decision to stand for election again. She was worried that, if there were to be another hung parliament, Alex would try and make himself out to be kingmaker in negotiations. The Tories won a majority in the House of Commons (arguably thanks to Salmond and the SNP taking 56 out of 59 Scottish seats) and Alex had to make do with trolling from the opposition rather than government benches. He was appointed SNP foreign affairs spokesman.

When he came back to Westminster he looked a little like this:

A modest Alex humbly makes his way to the chamber to do his duty and represent his hardworking constituents...

In the first three months since the general election, Alex spoke in the House of Commons more than 180 times. This contrasts sharply with his contributions in the Scottish Parliament where he concurrently represented the seat of Aberdeenshire East. In the same time frame, he has only spoken once at the devolved legislature[1].

Scottish Parliament[edit | edit source]

When the Scottish Parliament was established in 1999, Alex won the election to be MSP for Banff and Buchan. He was a very prominent member of the Scottish parliament but resigned his seat two years later following a number of high profile falling-outs with other members of the SNP who thought he was an arrogant, self-obsessed publicity hunter who wanted to create his own cult. He went on to leader the SNP block at Westminster instead.

He came back to the Scottish Parliament in 2007 as MSP for Gordon, leaving again to become MSP for Aberdeenshire East in 2011.

Alex on a very important trip as First Minister
First Minister of Scotland[edit | edit source]

As leader in 2007, the SNP secured 47 seats in the Scottish Parliament, making them the largest party. He approached the Liberal Democrats in Scotland for a coalition but they declined. The SNP stayed in power through a confidence and supply arrangement with the Scottish Greens.

One of Alex's first decisions was to reduce the size of the Scottish Cabinet to 6 from 9. He said that since they were only kept in power by a confidence and supply deal, he would seek to govern on a "policy by policy basis".

In 2009 Alex Salmond and the SNP produced a white bill proposing a referendum on independence. This became open for consultation in 2010. It did not gain support from the other parties at Hollyrood and so the white paper was withdrawn.

In the SNP[edit | edit source]

In 1990 Alex stood in the leadership contest for the SNP against the front-runner Margaret Ewing (who had the backing of one of Alex's best friends, Jim Sillars). This annoyed everyone in the party because it meant that there were two candidates from the left of the party and none from the right. Alex eventually won by 486 votes to Ewing's 146.

His first big test as leader was the 1992 general election which Alex hoped would be the SNP's big breakthrough. Although they managed to radically increase their vote-share, their seat out was basically the same. One notable change was that Alex's BFF Sillars lost his seat. Sillars blamed this on Alex and branded the SNP "90-minute patriots". Their friendship came to a messy and public end. Ever since, Sillars has been one of Alex's most vocal critics, in particular focusing his anger on Alex as a leader and individual much like a bitter ex would do.

Alex subtly reminds people that he's a little bit Scottish

Alex increased the SNP MPs from 4 to 6 in 1997 and signed up to New Labour's devolution plan. This pissed off the fundamentalists in the SNP who thought that devolution would delay glorious independence but Alex didn't care and went on as he intended to regardless. He was seen in the party as a moderate, gradualist who believed in independence when the time was right. He was also a big character who loved to troll. After appearing on Call My Bluff, he carried with him a "Bluff" card prop which he used whenever someone spoke and he didn't like it. In particular he used it at a charity event when Tony Blair questioned the credibility of an independent Scotland's economy.

In 2000 Alex stood down as leader of the SNP following a falling out with other senior politicians in the SNP. He was replaced by John Swinney. Alex soon found that he hated not being leader of something so he left the Scottish Parliament in favour of leading the SNP group at Westminster which suited him much better than being an ordinary MSP and MP.

After the disastrous 2004 European Parliament elections for the SNP, John Swinney announced his resignation. Alex announced he would stand in the subsequent contest which confused a lot of people as he had previously ruled it out. He ended up getting 75% of the vote, completely wiping out the rival candidate. He vowed to continue on as an MP but also revealed that he would seek to return to the Scottish Parliament in the 2007 devolved vote. He won his seat and lead the SNP to their first major victory - they became the largest party in the Scottish Parliament with 47 MSPs. Labour came second with 46.

During the 2010 general election, Alex was really annoyed that the broadcasters wouldn't let him go on the stage with "the other major party leaders". He tried to use the Freedom of Information Act to see if the BBC could have broken their own rules on impartiality and when that didn't work he tried to sue them. This also failed and the SNP had to pay the BBC's legal costs. Everyone called it what it was - a stunt - and Alex was widely laugh at. There were other TV debates held on devolved television stations about purely Scottish matters which the SNP and Alex Salmond were invited to. Alex threw his toys out of the pram and refused to show up, sending Angus Robertson instead.

In the 2011 Scottish Parliamentary elections, the SNP under Alex Salmond did what Tony Blair had hoped they would never do under the Additional Member voting system - form an overall majority. The SNP secured 69 seats giving them a total majority of 4. Alex rubbed his hands in glee, said that the result gave the devolved government a mandate for independence and put forward his proposals for a referendum.

2014 Independence Referendum[edit | edit source]

Although Alex tried to take the lead in setting out all the details for the referendum, he didn't have the constitutional power to do so. Eventually the then Prime Minister David Cameron agreed to let Scotland have a referendum and the date was set for 18 September 2014. The white paper setting out the SNP and Alex's views on independence was published on 26 November 2013.

During the very, very long lead up the referendum, a lot of bits of information about Alex Salmond and in particular his expenses came out in the media. For example, charging the Scottish taxpayer £3,000 for him and his wife to spent 4 nights in a 5-star hotel in Chicago for a golf tournament. There was also an issue regarding what would happen if Scotland became independent with regards to its membership of the EU. Alex claimed that he had sought legal advice on this point and that Scotland would be able to stay as part of the European bloc. However, when people asked to see this information, he and the SNP refused to produce it. It eventually came to light that there was no such advice and that the Scottish government had spent almost £20,000 to stop the publication of legal advice that didn't exist in the first place.

The "No" vote (the vote to remain as part of the UK and for Scotland not to become and independent country) won the referendum. Alex saw this as a personal failing because he had made the campaign about him vs David Cameron, and stood down from the leadership. He was replaced by Nicola Sturgeon.

During his time as leader he also came under criticism (though not to the same extent as David Cameron) for his friendship with Rupert Murdoch.

Full List of Appointments
• Leader of the SNP (22 September 1990 – 26 September 2000), (3 September 2004 – 14 November 2014)
• First Minister of Scotland (16 May 2007 – 19 November 2014)

Not everyone has great moments, but if they do, you can link to videos of them in the table below:

Greatest Moments
Date Summary Video Transcript
19 September 2014 Alex's resignation speech following the "No" vote in the independence referendum Transcript available here.
22 Apr 2015 Alex jokes with fellow members of the SNP "The Scottish Labour leader will not be writing the Labour Party budget. But then I knew that already - because I'm writing the Labour Party Budget."

Personal Life[edit | edit source]

Alex met his wife when they were working together in the civil service. Alex's wife was his boss and 17 years his senior.

Alex's main interests outside work and politics are golf, horse racing, football and reading. He supports Scotland and Heart of Midlothian F.C. and sometimes attends matches. He also like Star Trek and country and western music.

In 2000, Alex had a small role in a Pakistani soap opera, The Castle, as a ghostly spirit. Sean Connery gave him acting advice which explains a lot. Some very interesting investigative reporting on the part of Buzzfeed at the 2015 SNP conference also revealed that Alex believes in ghosts because of some experiences he had and a photo. When pressed on the evidence he believes proves the existence of ghosts, Alex replied:

“I have seen a photo, which I know was not forged or created, that would give anyone serious thought about these things.”~ Alex Salmond, 2015[2]

Clearly he could tell from some of the pixels and having seen a few photoshops in his time. However, Alex concedes that the picture and experiences may not actually be ghosts, but that other explanations for the strange phenomenon could also include alien interference.

He once fed a woman a Solero ice cream.

He got banned from a BA flight because he tried to fly under the name James T Kirk. Apparently he'd been doing it for years as a "security measure" and staff at London City Airport and Gatwick both knew all about it and let him through frequently but Heathrow were far stricter.[3]

This actually happened.

Appearance[edit | edit source]

Alex and his doppleganger

He looks like Shrek before Shrek became human. Human!Shrek looks far more like Gordon Brown. Alex is also not particularly photogenic, as the following gallery will explain:

Portrayal[edit | edit source]

In the Media[edit | edit source]

The Scottish media think Alex is a cross between God and Braveheart who will set them free from the oppressive English once and for all and deliver a Scottish Utopia built on oil and whisky.

The English media can't stand him. Buzzfeed, in particular Jamie Ross, on the other hand seem to love just how ridiculous he is.

In Culture[edit | edit source]

If they've been portrayed in films, songs, plays, radio plays, tv programmes, video games, commemorative crockery, you can put a list with descriptions here.

In Fanon[edit | edit source]

In general the fandom is not too fond of Alex. While his trolling abilities are appreciated, they do tend to get repetitive and often filled with either wild misrepresentations of fact or outright lies. He also suffers from a lack of Scottish people (and pro-independence people) actively taking part in the fandom and the fact that he pisses off everyone's won favourite MPs. The livejournal community have dubbed him "King Troll" for his unique style of parliamentary debate.

Meme[edit | edit source]

Alex has yet to feature in any fics on the meme.

Shipping[edit | edit source]

He is most frequently shipped with Scotland. By which I mean never.

Prominent Portrayals in AUs[edit | edit source]

If ever there's a dystopian AU with an independent Scotland, he is bound to show up as some form of dictatorial leader. Unfortunately that has yet to happen.

References[edit | edit source]