Ceiling Dolphin

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An artist's impression of Ceiling Dolphin

Though few would be willing to admit it, most MPs are aware of the vital role played by Ceiling Dolphin.

Widely believed to have been lured into the job by her good friends John Bercow and David T. C. Davies (who can "be found in the sea") , the gentlemen are thought to have been inspired by the beautiful murals adorning paediatric wards across the country. Precisely what this says about their opinions on MPs in general is probably best left undisclosed.

Ceiling Dolphin will save you from this

Ceiling Dolphin's role is to distract and entertain MPs during tedious or irritating debates. The importance of this role cannot be underestimated, as it prevents snoring or other more embarrassing somnolent activities from disrupting the proceedings of the House.

Ceiling Dolphin has been known to shun David Cameron, seemingly through no fault of his own. It's likely that she was just trying to get him to pay attention to the debate, possibly because she had some inside information that it would be to his advantage to watch.