Mark Harper

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Mark Harper

Mark Harper.Portrait.jpg

Name Mark James Harper (born 6 February, 1970)
Nicknames ?
Politics
Party Conservative
Constituency The Forest of Dean (2005 - Present)
Positions • Government Chief Whip (May 2015 - present)
• Minister of State for Disabled People (July 2014 - May 2015)
• Minister of State for Immigration (September 2012 - February 2014)
• Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Political and Constitutional Reform (May 2010 - September 2012)
Likes Israel, Trident, animals
Dislikes Europe, publicly owned forests
Friends Nick Clegg
Enemies Chris Bryant, Bill Cash, PETER BONE
Relationships
Partners Margaret Harper (1999 - Present)
Children None
Personal Attributes
Nationality English
Religion ?
Sexuality Straight
Height ?
Eye Colour ?
Handedness Right
Accent Estuary
Languages ?

Mark Harper is a Conservative MP who served as Nick Clegg's lieutenant- and frequently stunt double- on Constitutional Reform for the first half of the 2010-2015 Parliament, before moving on to Immigration and then to the DWP in pursuit of his old arch-nemesis Chris Bryant. In 2015 he was made Chief Whip and given the unenviable task of steering the tiny, fractious Conservative majority through the right lobbies. The available evidence would suggest David Cameron hates him.

Life and Career[edit | edit source]

Early Life[edit | edit source]

Mark was born in Swindon. He attended the Headlands Comprehensive School and then Swindon College for his sixth form. He studied PPE at Brasenose College, Oxford.

Accounting Career[edit | edit source]

After graduating Mark returned to Swindon and got a job as an auditor for KPMG. He qualified as a chartered accountant in 1995, and became a senior financial analyst at Intel, becoming the finance manager in 1997 and operations manager in 2000. In 2002 he left Intel to set up his own accountancy firm.

Early Political Career[edit | edit source]

Mark joined the Swindon Conservative Association and became treasurer in 1993. When the constituency was split he became treasurer to the new Swindon South Conservative Association, rising to vice chairman for a year in 1998. He was the Conservative candidate for Forest of Dean in 2001, but lost to the sitting Labour MP Diana Organ by 2,049 votes. Organ retired at the 2005 general election and Harper won the seat with a majority of exactly 2,049.

Parliamentary Career[edit | edit source]

In Opposition[edit | edit source]

As an Opposition MP Mark was characterized by his concern for veterans, defense issues and the disabled, and by his tendency to be photographed with animals:

Mark with his two Labradors, Cara and Darci
Mark with Harriet the possibly-BSE-infected pet cow, whom Mark tried to save from the Government's plans to put her down. (Harriet died before they could get around to it. Hopefully not from BSE.)
We're not even sure where this owl came from.

When he wasn't out playing Doctor Dolittle, he joined David Cameron on the front bench. David made him Shadow Spokesman for Veterans as soon as he became leader in 2005, and in April 2007 promoted him to Shadow Minister for Forces Families and Welfare. In July 2007 Mark became Shadow Minister for Disabled People, and remained in that post until the 2010 general election.

In Government[edit | edit source]

After the election Mark became a Parliamentary Under-Secretary in the Cabinet Office with responsibilities for Political and Constitutional Reform. Practically speaking, this meant he was Nick Clegg's second-in-command when it came to implementing the constitutional reform agenda that the Liberal Democrats ran on and insisted on including in the coalition agreement much to the dismay of the Tories. Since Nick rarely showed up in the Commons to defend his own legislation, Mark was often left alone to fend off the attacks of peeved Conservative backbenchers while the Opposition pointed and laughed. The Labour front bench theoretically supported most of the reforms, so Mark and his shadow Chris Bryant cultivated a particularly personal animosity to supply the necessary tension for their debates. Sadly, Chris was moved on to Immigration, and without his trolling to unite the Government in annoyance relations between the Lib Dems and Tories broke down and the Lords Reform agenda collapsed despite Mark's best efforts.

Perhaps as punishment, Mark was reshuffled to the Home Office to become Minister of State for Immigration. Although nominally a promotion and move that took him into more comfortable Tory territory, the transfer left him once again facing Chris across the dispatch box, this time with the trolling ramped up to eleven. In 2014 Mark discovered that, despite having passed legislation demanding all landlords ensure the proper immigration status of their tenants, he had in fact been employing an illegal immigrant as a cleaner for years. Whoops! To escape the riotous laughter on the Opposition benches, Mark strategically resigned.

In his absence, Chris Bryant was reshuffled over to the Shadow Work and Pensions team to cover Welfare Reform. When Mark rejoined the Government after the 2014, he found himself sitting opposite Chris again as Minister of State for Disabled People. Chris accused him of being a stalker, but it seems far more likely poor Mark was forced to follow him around against his will.

Things went no better for Mark outside the Commons. Mark's support of the Government's ill-conceived plan to sell off the forests got him in trouble with his constituents, who not unreasonably felt that as he was the MP for the Forest of Dean, he ought to ensure there continued to be a forest. He suffered through an unpleasant public meeting and was pelted with eggs as he tried to leave.

As Chief Whip[edit | edit source]

After the 2015 election Mark's career of "Horrible Jobs Ruined by Chris Bryant" continued with a promotion to Chief Whip. While it is impossible for him to perform worse than his predecessor, the Conservatives' tiny majority consisting largely of trolls and the Conservative Backbench Circle Jerk Society and the presence of the SNP and obnoxious procedural experts on the opposition benches means that he's probably in for another round of misery.

Full List of Appointments
• Shadow Spokesman for Veterans (16 Dec., 2005 - 11 April, 2007)
• Shadow Minister for Forces Families and Welfare (11 April, 2007 - 6 July, 2007)
• Shadow Minister for Disabled People (6 July, 2007 - 11 May, 2010)
• Parliamentary Under-Secretary at the Cabinet Office for Political and Constitutional Reform (11 May, 2010 - 4 Sept. 2012)
• Minister of State for Immigration (4 Sept. 2012 - 8 February, 2014)
• Minister of State for Disabled People (15 July, 2014 - 8 May, 2015)
• Chief Whip (8 May, 2015 - present)

Personal Life[edit | edit source]

Mark married his wife Margaret in July of 1999. They have two Labradors, Cara and Darci, who Mark likes to take for walks in the forest. While there still is a forest.

Political Views[edit | edit source]

As might be guessed from his ambition to sell off the national forests, Mark is quite rightwing. He favours a strong nuclear deterrent and he's voted for docking dogs' tails for cosmetic purposes, reducing the time in which a woman can get an abortion from 24 weeks to 16, and restricting employment by the Crown to British citizens.. He also got himself in a bit of trouble on the radio by saying that there are fit people claiming disability who should be working, and everyone in their communities knows who they are.

Portrayal[edit | edit source]

In Fanon[edit | edit source]

The Meme[edit | edit source]

Mark showed up very briefly at the dawn of the meme, often in the company of Duncan Hames, and then disappeared. This is quite odd for someone who is attractive and has been photographed with an owl, but the ways of shippers are beyond mortal ken.

He has since been shipped halfheartedly with Chris Bryant and Nick Clegg, but he remains notable primarily by his absence.